Selfish? Don't Get Married....Too Late?

I have preached, taught and communicated in many ways that selfishness is at the root of most problems in marriage and it probably could be said of sin in general. Are you selfish? I could say don't get married but that wouldn't be good advice because marriage is not the problem, selfishness is the problem.

Christians, actually I mean the born again followers of Jesus Christ who are trying to live in obedience to Christ should marry and stay married for different reasons than everyone else.

The divorce rate among "Christians" is within one percentage point the same as non-believers. This is because we, the church, do a poor job of communicating biblical marrige principles. The lines are so blurred between secular life and Christian life that the "Christians" do not even know that there is only one life, not a life divided between secular and Christian. You either live the Christian life or you don't.

When we insist on our own way we are selfish. This is true in a relationship with God and in every relationship. So back to the statement that Christians or born again followers of Jesus Christ are to marry for a different reason.

No, it's not for reproduction, it's not to prevent lust...and it's not for love or to receive love. Christians should marry because they selflessly believe they are called to serve the other person to the glory of God. Our culture is so contrary to honoring God that we never view marriage this way.

By our sinful nature, we are so selfish that we never view marriage as anything other that a means to our end, whatever that end may be. Hence our culture produces the terms:"trophy wife" "great husband". What is a trophy wife? Jesse James doesn't have his anymore because he proved to be selfish. By the world's definition, Sandra Bulloch would qualify as a trophy wife.

What is a trophy wife by God's definition, what is a great husband by God's definition? If the answer does not involve the quality of loving God first, their spouse next and themselves last, then that is not a trophy spouse. Proverbs 31, of course, yes this is the trophy wife but everyone starts with the legs, the waist, the bust, the face. Women are not much different when it comes to looking for the dream man.

However, these are things of darkness and Christians are of the Light. What matters most, should matter first. Does the person attracted to you, show a selfless love for God first and a selfless love for you second? Gender is not an issue here, this must be for each gender. Then ask the question of yourself: "Are you selfless enough to deserve someone like that?"

So why get married? Again,the only reason to marry someone is because you believe that God has called you to selflessly serve and love the other person as a loving and devoted spouse. Are you too selfish for that? Easy solution...don't get married until God completes a work in you to cure that issue of selfishness.

Remember when Christ presented himself before the twelve to wash their feet. The bridegroom with the beginning of what would be His bride. Christ humbeled Himself as a servant and washed their dirty feet. Christ washed the feet of Peter just hours before the denial. Christ washed the feet of Judas just before the betrayal and He washed the feet of Thomas just days before his skepticism.

Gentlemen: your bride may deny you, betray you or doubt you, but you are called to be a servant and a leader; so serve and lead. Although this was selfless of Christ, Creator of the Universe, King of Kings and Lord of Lords to wash their feet, the ultimate display of selflessness would come at Calvary and flow down to you and me.

To all: Christ is our example of selflessness, scarifice, love and forgiveness. Nothing your spouse has doen to you compares to what we have done to Christ our redeemer. So, deny yourself, forgive, love and keep living a life of selfless service unto God in your marriage. God will astound you with His repsonse to such a heart surrendered unto Him.